Solar eclipse

Inner Shadow

We live with a chronic solar eclipse within ourselves. Our inner light does exist, at full strength, but something holds it back. What is concealing this magnificent inner Sun?
Many things that we believe form our identity limit our true and natural state and thus our possibilities. We often suffer from various things: problems with people, opinions, ‘wrong’ situations, you name it. We get irritated by all sorts of things. And irritating ourselves – I irritate myself, is a reflexive verb, so we do it entirely ourselves. This applies to all reflexive verbs.

Upon closer inspection, we primarily suffer from our own opinions about everything and from our own imbalance; things we unfortunately have come to regard as fixed facts that stand in the way of our happiness and talent. We might suffer from insecurity or self-criticism, becoming easily hurt; or perhaps from self-satisfaction or overestimation, feeling much ‘resistance’ in situations. We may be plagued by confusion, frustrations, anger, depression, or constant rumination. We’re excitable, restless, hurried, depressed, or bored. We feel empty and hollowed out or inflated like a balloon about to burst. Moreover, we lack a sustainable ‘I and will’.


Obstacles standing in the way of our awareness (in the present) are our own ideas which are usually false and which can weigh us down: ideas like ‘I can’t do this, I’m not good at this’, ‘life is against me’, ‘what will others think of me?’, ‘this is exhausting me, I’m done with this’, ‘I fall short’, ‘I’m scared and thus insecure’ and so on.
But also: ‘wow, I’m so good at this; I’ll show everyone’, ‘it’s all about me’, ‘no one can match me’, ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’, ‘I’ll tell them the truth!’ and ‘who do you think you are?’. These kinds of ideas need to be examined. Curses and ‘what-the-f*ck’ thoughts also precisely indicate our mindsets. Especially the popular expression ‘I’m done with this’ signifies that one is truly not done with it. It’s a mental dismissal gesture to protect oneself in an inauthentic way, attempting to invoke a kind of surrogate of inner peace or power.
A common strategy for this is to find a scapegoat. By blaming someone outside of us, one attempts to evade responsibility for one’s own well-being inside. The ‘goat’ is usually within ourselves. It’s the ‘goat’ that projects and represses or denies its own negative feelings by attributing them to another, while that other person is merely the trigger, not the cause. The personal responsibility is projected outward in an attempt to burden another with one’s own preoccupation.

All these mentally programmed ideas (often conditioned at a young age), all this inner applause and booing make our potential much more limited. It means we don’t assess the situations we find ourselves in accurately and we can’t respond optimally in the moment. We aren’t anchored within ourselves, we often react automatically and mechanically, and mentally we encounter things that, in hindsight, we could have handled differently.
In short, we don’t bring out the best in ourselves! But what is that, the best in ourselves? And how do we bring it out?

Identifications with all sorts of things block our inner light. We attach ourselves. Not just to the aforementioned ideas but also to possessions and status. Because we cling to one thing, the other becomes its opponent. The concept of ‘two’ is born. From this, conflict easily arises as our strong identifications clash with those of others.

Spiritual solar eclipseSubtle Energy

When we start observing our behavior closely, we see various mechanisms, automatisms, assumptions, etc. As Observers, we can identify our disrupters, the shadow creators, essentially all the things we aren’t. Then it becomes clearer who we really are and the potential we possess. If we fully realize this and adjust our thinking, feeling, and actions accordingly, i.e., consciously utilize them, then the shadows dissolve, and we harmonize with ourselves and others. Our inner sunlight is no longer obscured, and our chronic ‘solar eclipse’ disappears. We become Light.
Light in the sense of being less heavy: we shed mental and emotional baggage.
Light in the sense of being clear: we see what is true and what is not.
Light in the sense of being illuminating to our surroundings: we become inspiring to others.

Those in whom the inner sun shines unobstructed emanate light themselves (think of the often-depicted halo). This light dispels skepticism and even blockages in those open to it. From a luminous person, so much subtle energy can transfer to others that their inner potential is unlocked.

Pay Close Attention!

In meetings with others, we must follow our feelings and intuition. Who am I dealing with? We must be open to the subtle energy, the inner light, emanating from someone. Does our heart leap? Do we feel uplifted? Or do we feel intimidated or confused? What emotional reaction do we have? Do we become calm or agitated? We must observe all these things in the moment. We must also observe our inner reaction that arises when we meet someone: do I come into self-remembrance or do I lose myself? Constantly observing our inner state of mind (especially its ongoing changes) as soon as we remember, ensures that we’ll both feel and recognize the inner light and inner shadow in ourselves and others. This paves the way for effective communication.


© Michiel Koperdraat